An old couple living in Gloucester
Had a beautiful girl but they loucester.
She fell from a yacht
And never the spacht
Could be found where the cold waves had toucester.
An old lady living in Worcester
Had a gift of a handsome young rorcester;
But the way that it crough,
As 'twould never get through,
Was more than the lady was uorcester.
An obstinate lady of Leicester
Wouldn't marry her swain, though he preicester.
For his income, I fear,
Was a hundred a year,
On which he could never have dreicester.
There was a mechalnwick of Alnwick
Whose opinions were anti-Germalnwick.
So when war had begun
He went off with a gun
The proportions of which were Titalnwick.
A youthful schoolmistress named Beauchamp
Said: These awful boys, how shall I teauchamp?
For they will not behave
Although I look grave
And with tears in my eyes I beseauchamp.
A bald-headed judge named Beauclerk
Fell in love with a maiden seau ferk,
Residing at Bicester,
Who said, when he kicester,
"I won't wed a man with neau herk!"
There was a young fellow of Beaulieu
Who loved a fair maiden most treaulieu.
Said he, "Wilt thou be mine?"
When she didn't decline
The marriage was solemnised deaulieu.
A charming young lady named Geoghegan,
Whose Christian names are less peoghegan
Will be Mrs Knollys
Very soon at All Ksollys;
But the date is at present a veogheg'un.
There was a young lady named Wemyss
Who, it semyss, was afflicted with dremyss.
She would wake in the night
And, in a terrible fright,
Shake the bemyss of the house with her scremyss.
There was a young fellow named Cholmondeley,
Whose bride was so mellow and colmondeley
That the best man, Colquhoun,
An inane young bolqufoun,
Could only stand still and stare dolmondeley.
The bridegroom's first cousin, young Belvoir,
Whose dad was a Lancashire welvoir,
Arrived with George Bohun
At just about nohun
When excitement was mounting to felvoir.
An adventurous pirate named Menzies
Once waylaid and captured two denzies.
The Rover, Sir Ralph,
Said, "Do you think that's salph?
You don't want to damage your thenzies."
The Baron of Fawsley, Lord St John,
Had a fine buckskin coat with a frt john.
He said, "It was guthven
Me by Viscount Ruthven,
Who thinks I'm a cowboy, or t john."
As a youngster Sir Reggie Pole-Carew
Was a cissy, and dubbed the schole-farew.
He fled from Lord Tyrwhitt,
Who dressed as a spyrwhitt,
For he found any ghost or ghole-scarew.
A colonel by name Leveson Gower
Mixed tequila and lime jeveson mower
In a drink for Miss Featherstonehaugh
Who said to him, "Meatherstonehaugh,
This stuff might have some yeveson wower."
There was a young student at Caius
Who whizzed down the slopes on his skaius;
But a Fellow of Magdalene
Said "I prefer dagdalene -
"I've got where I am by degraius!"
There was an old lady of Wymondham
Who caught people's kittens and skymondham;
She made lovely fur hats
From the skins of the cats,
Then she chopped 'em and cooked 'em and tymondham.
A dashing young fellow named Cockburn
Was attempting to travel to Holborn.
He asked with a cough
If he please could get ough
When he found himself en route to Oban.
A visiting lady from Appisurgh,
Said "How they talk here would amappiz'urgh:
Typhoo, it is written
Put the T into Britain,
So who took the P out of Happisburgh?
The Eternity of God
O Lord! my heart is sick,
Sick of this everlasting change;
And life runs tediously quick
Through its unresting race and varied range:
Change finds no likeness to itself in Thee
And wakes no echo in Thy mute eternity.
Dear Lord! my heart is sick
Of this perpetual lapsing time,
So slow in grief, in joy so quick,
Yet ever casting shadows so sublime:
Time of all creatures is least like to Thee,
And yet it is our share of Thine eternity.
...
Farewell, vain joys of earth!
Farewell, all love that is not His!
Dear God! be Thou my only mirth,
Thy Majesty my single timid bliss!
Oh in the bosom of eternity
Thou dost not weary of Thyself, nor we of Thee!
—Frederick William Faber, Hymns
Sick of this everlasting change;
And life runs tediously quick
Through its unresting race and varied range:
Change finds no likeness to itself in Thee
And wakes no echo in Thy mute eternity.
Dear Lord! my heart is sick
Of this perpetual lapsing time,
So slow in grief, in joy so quick,
Yet ever casting shadows so sublime:
Time of all creatures is least like to Thee,
And yet it is our share of Thine eternity.
...
Farewell, vain joys of earth!
Farewell, all love that is not His!
Dear God! be Thou my only mirth,
Thy Majesty my single timid bliss!
Oh in the bosom of eternity
Thou dost not weary of Thyself, nor we of Thee!
—Frederick William Faber, Hymns
Falling in Love
That day I oft remember, when from sleep
I first awaked, and found myself reposed
Under a shade on flowers, much wondering where
And what I was, whence thither brought, and how.
Not distant far from thence a murmuring sound
Of waters issued from a cave, and spread
Into a liquid plain, then stood unmoved
Pure as the expanse of Heaven; I thither went
With unexperienced thought, and laid me down
On the green bank, to look into the clear
Smooth lake, that to me seemed another sky.
As I bent down to look, just opposite
A shape within the watery gleam appeared,
Bending to look on me: I started back,
It started back; but pleased I soon returned,
Pleased it returned as soon with answering looks
Of sympathy and love: There I had fixed
Mine eyes till now, and pined with vain desire,
Had not a voice thus warned me; 'What thou seest,
'What there thou seest, fair Creature, is thyself;
'With thee it came and goes: but follow me,
'And I will bring thee where no shadow stays
'Thy coming…
—John Milton, Paradise Lost.
I first awaked, and found myself reposed
Under a shade on flowers, much wondering where
And what I was, whence thither brought, and how.
Not distant far from thence a murmuring sound
Of waters issued from a cave, and spread
Into a liquid plain, then stood unmoved
Pure as the expanse of Heaven; I thither went
With unexperienced thought, and laid me down
On the green bank, to look into the clear
Smooth lake, that to me seemed another sky.
As I bent down to look, just opposite
A shape within the watery gleam appeared,
Bending to look on me: I started back,
It started back; but pleased I soon returned,
Pleased it returned as soon with answering looks
Of sympathy and love: There I had fixed
Mine eyes till now, and pined with vain desire,
Had not a voice thus warned me; 'What thou seest,
'What there thou seest, fair Creature, is thyself;
'With thee it came and goes: but follow me,
'And I will bring thee where no shadow stays
'Thy coming…
—John Milton, Paradise Lost.
City People
On the way from the railroad station he had walked tall in the mass of moving metal and concrete speckled with the very small eyes of people. His head jerked backwards after each passing figure until they began to pass too thickly and he observed that their eyes didn't grab at you like the eyes of country people. Several of them bumped into him and this contact that should have made an acquaintance for life made nothing because the hulks shoved on with ducked heads and muttered apologies that he would have accepted if they had waited. You have to do something particular here to make them look at you, he thought. They ain't going to look at you just because God made you.
—Flannery O'Connor, You Can’t Be Any Poorer Than Dead and The Violent Bear It Away.
—Flannery O'Connor, You Can’t Be Any Poorer Than Dead and The Violent Bear It Away.
Elegy
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow;
I am the sun on ripened grain;
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight;
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
—Mary Elizabeth Frye, 1932.
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow;
I am the sun on ripened grain;
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake in morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight;
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
—Mary Elizabeth Frye, 1932.
Confessions
Oh you sons of men, how long will you be dull at heart? Even now, after the descent of life to you, do you not wish to ascend and live? But how can you ascend when you have set yourselves up on high and have placed your mouth against heaven? Descend, so that you may ascend—so that you may ascend to God. For you have fallen by rising against God.
—St. Augustine, Confessions, Book 4 Chapter 12.
—St. Augustine, Confessions, Book 4 Chapter 12.
Love Me Irrationally
When we meet again you may be disappointed on finding that I look different from the lovely picture your tender imagination has painted of me. I don't want you to love me for qualities you assume in me, in fact not for any qualities; you must love me as irrationally as other people love, just because I love you, and you don't have to be ashamed of it.
—Sigmund Freud, Letters, 1884, #33, page 89.
Misquoted in Francis Schaeffer, True Spirituality, Substantial Healing of Psychological Problems, page 129, as:
When you come to me, little Princess, love me irrationally.
Besides, this was ten years before Freud began studying psychoanalysis.
—Sigmund Freud, Letters, 1884, #33, page 89.
Misquoted in Francis Schaeffer, True Spirituality, Substantial Healing of Psychological Problems, page 129, as:
When you come to me, little Princess, love me irrationally.
Besides, this was ten years before Freud began studying psychoanalysis.
Boswell's Johnson
Dr. Johnson said of the Turkish Spy that it told nothing but what every body might have known at that time; and that what was good in it, did not pay you for the trouble of reading to find it.
—James Boswell, Life of Johnson, Volume 5, Thursday, 21 October 1773, p341.
—James Boswell, Life of Johnson, Volume 5, Thursday, 21 October 1773, p341.
Theological Questions
1. How does it appear that something has existed from eternity?
2. How does it appear that this earth and the visible system are not from
eternity?
3. How does it appear that the existence of man is derived and dependent?
4. How do you prove the natural perfections of God, viz. his intelligence,
infinite power, foreknowledge, and immutability?
5. How do you prove his moral perfections, that he is a friend of virtue, or
absolutely holy, true, just, and good?
6. How do you prove that the Scriptures are a revelation from God? And
what are the evidences, internal and external?
7. How do you prove the divine mission of Christ?
8. How do you prove the divinity of Christ?
9. How do you prove the personality and divinity of the Holy Ghost?
10. How do you prove that the persons in the Trinity are one God?
11. Whence arose the Manichean notion of two Gods, and how is it
confuted?
12. Whence arose the polytheism of the pagans, and how confuted?
13. Whence was it that the knowledge of the one true God, in which Noah
was instructed, was not preserved among his posterity in all ages?
14. Why are not mankind in all ages (their internal faculties and external
advantages being sufficient) united in right sentiments of the one true
God?
15. Were the moral character of God and the moral law understood and
loved, would there be any objections against revealed religion?
16. What is the true idea of God’s decrees?
17. How do you prove absolute and particular election?
18. Did God decree the existence of sin?
19. Why did God decree sin?
20. In what sense did he introduce sin into the universe?
21. How do you reconcile this with the holiness and goodness of God?
22. What is necessary to constitute a moral agent?
23. Are men moral and free agents?
24. What is the difference between natural and moral power and inability?
25. How is absolute moral necessity, or inability, consistent with the free
agency of men?
26. How is the doctrine of universal, absolute decrees, consistent with the
free agency of men?
27. How do you prove an universal and special providence?
28. What is the covenant of redemption?
29. If man was created in original righteousness, how is that consistent
with moral agency? It being said that a necessary holiness is no
holiness.
30. What was the constitution under which Adam in innocency was placed?
31. Was Adam under the same necessity of falling that we are of sinning?
32. Are all intelligences bound to love God supremely, sinners and devils?
33. Is the law holy, just, and good, and how is it proved?
34. Are they, who are under its curse, bound to delight in it?
35. How great is the demerit of sin?
36. Are the torments of hell eternal?
37. How do you reconcile them with the justice and infinite goodness of
God?
38. How do you reconcile them with those texts which say Christ died for
all men, that God will not that any should perish?
39. How does it appear that human nature is originally depraved?
40. Whence comes that depravity?
41. How is it proved to be total?
42. What is the covenant of grace?
43. Are the law and gospel inconsistent with each other?
44. Why was an atonement, and one so precious as the blood of Christ,
necessary?
45. In what manner did Christ atone for sin?
46. To whom doth it belong to provide an atonement, God, or the sinner?
47. Did Christ redeem all men alike, elect and non-elect?
48. Can the offer of the gospel be made in sincerity to the non-elect?
49. How is redemption applied?
50. What is the office of the Holy Ghost in the work of redemption?
51. What is regeneration?
52. Whence arises the necessity of it?
53. What is true love to God?
54. What is true benevolence to men?
55. What is true repentance, and how distinguished from legal?
56. What is true faith?
57. What is pardon and justification? What is their foundation, and what is
the influence of faith therein?
58. How are full satisfaction and free pardon consistent?
59. Is the sinner forgiven before he repents?
60. Is sanctifying grace needful at all to any man, unless with respect to
that which is his duty, and in neglect of which he would be without
excuse?
61. What is the sum of man’s duty, and what the effect produced by the
sanctifying influence of the Holy Spirit?
62. Can that holy volition in us, which is the effect of divine power, be
wholly our act, or our duty?
63. How is it proved that unbelief is sin, and that all errors in moral matters
are of a criminal nature?
64. Will the wicked heathens, Jews, infidels, and errorists of every kind, be
without excuse at the day of judgment?
65. What is the essence of true virtue, or holiness?
66. Is there no virtue in the exercise of natural conscience, the moral sense,
natural compassion, and generosity?
67. Is not self-love the root of all virtue?
68. Do not the unregenerate desire to be regenerated, and can they not
properly pray for regenerating grace?
69. Do they not desire the heavenly happiness?
70. What is the utmost the unregenerate do in the use of the means of
grace?
71. Is any duly done by them therein?
72. Do they grow better in the use of means?
73. To what are they to be exhorted?
74. What is the real advantage of the assiduous use of means to the
unregenerate?
75. How do you prove that the institution of the Sabbath is of perpetual
obligation?
76. How is it that the Sabbath is changed from the seventh to the first day
of the week?
77. How do you prove that public worship is to be celebrated on the
Sabbath?
78. What is the foundation of the duty of prayer, since God is omniscient
and immutable?
79. How do you prove that family prayer is a duty?
80. To whom are the promises of the gospel made, to the regenerate, or
unregenerate?
81. Are no encouragements given to the unregenerate?
82. How do you prove the saints’ perseverance?
83. What is the nature of a Christian church?
84. Who are fit for communion therein?
85. What is the nature and import of baptism?
86. How do you prove infant baptism?
87. What is the nature of the Lord’s supper?
88. What are the rules and end of church discipline?
89. What is the character of a good minister of Christ?
90. In what does the happiness of heaven consist?
—Jonathan Edwards.
2. How does it appear that this earth and the visible system are not from
eternity?
3. How does it appear that the existence of man is derived and dependent?
4. How do you prove the natural perfections of God, viz. his intelligence,
infinite power, foreknowledge, and immutability?
5. How do you prove his moral perfections, that he is a friend of virtue, or
absolutely holy, true, just, and good?
6. How do you prove that the Scriptures are a revelation from God? And
what are the evidences, internal and external?
7. How do you prove the divine mission of Christ?
8. How do you prove the divinity of Christ?
9. How do you prove the personality and divinity of the Holy Ghost?
10. How do you prove that the persons in the Trinity are one God?
11. Whence arose the Manichean notion of two Gods, and how is it
confuted?
12. Whence arose the polytheism of the pagans, and how confuted?
13. Whence was it that the knowledge of the one true God, in which Noah
was instructed, was not preserved among his posterity in all ages?
14. Why are not mankind in all ages (their internal faculties and external
advantages being sufficient) united in right sentiments of the one true
God?
15. Were the moral character of God and the moral law understood and
loved, would there be any objections against revealed religion?
16. What is the true idea of God’s decrees?
17. How do you prove absolute and particular election?
18. Did God decree the existence of sin?
19. Why did God decree sin?
20. In what sense did he introduce sin into the universe?
21. How do you reconcile this with the holiness and goodness of God?
22. What is necessary to constitute a moral agent?
23. Are men moral and free agents?
24. What is the difference between natural and moral power and inability?
25. How is absolute moral necessity, or inability, consistent with the free
agency of men?
26. How is the doctrine of universal, absolute decrees, consistent with the
free agency of men?
27. How do you prove an universal and special providence?
28. What is the covenant of redemption?
29. If man was created in original righteousness, how is that consistent
with moral agency? It being said that a necessary holiness is no
holiness.
30. What was the constitution under which Adam in innocency was placed?
31. Was Adam under the same necessity of falling that we are of sinning?
32. Are all intelligences bound to love God supremely, sinners and devils?
33. Is the law holy, just, and good, and how is it proved?
34. Are they, who are under its curse, bound to delight in it?
35. How great is the demerit of sin?
36. Are the torments of hell eternal?
37. How do you reconcile them with the justice and infinite goodness of
God?
38. How do you reconcile them with those texts which say Christ died for
all men, that God will not that any should perish?
39. How does it appear that human nature is originally depraved?
40. Whence comes that depravity?
41. How is it proved to be total?
42. What is the covenant of grace?
43. Are the law and gospel inconsistent with each other?
44. Why was an atonement, and one so precious as the blood of Christ,
necessary?
45. In what manner did Christ atone for sin?
46. To whom doth it belong to provide an atonement, God, or the sinner?
47. Did Christ redeem all men alike, elect and non-elect?
48. Can the offer of the gospel be made in sincerity to the non-elect?
49. How is redemption applied?
50. What is the office of the Holy Ghost in the work of redemption?
51. What is regeneration?
52. Whence arises the necessity of it?
53. What is true love to God?
54. What is true benevolence to men?
55. What is true repentance, and how distinguished from legal?
56. What is true faith?
57. What is pardon and justification? What is their foundation, and what is
the influence of faith therein?
58. How are full satisfaction and free pardon consistent?
59. Is the sinner forgiven before he repents?
60. Is sanctifying grace needful at all to any man, unless with respect to
that which is his duty, and in neglect of which he would be without
excuse?
61. What is the sum of man’s duty, and what the effect produced by the
sanctifying influence of the Holy Spirit?
62. Can that holy volition in us, which is the effect of divine power, be
wholly our act, or our duty?
63. How is it proved that unbelief is sin, and that all errors in moral matters
are of a criminal nature?
64. Will the wicked heathens, Jews, infidels, and errorists of every kind, be
without excuse at the day of judgment?
65. What is the essence of true virtue, or holiness?
66. Is there no virtue in the exercise of natural conscience, the moral sense,
natural compassion, and generosity?
67. Is not self-love the root of all virtue?
68. Do not the unregenerate desire to be regenerated, and can they not
properly pray for regenerating grace?
69. Do they not desire the heavenly happiness?
70. What is the utmost the unregenerate do in the use of the means of
grace?
71. Is any duly done by them therein?
72. Do they grow better in the use of means?
73. To what are they to be exhorted?
74. What is the real advantage of the assiduous use of means to the
unregenerate?
75. How do you prove that the institution of the Sabbath is of perpetual
obligation?
76. How is it that the Sabbath is changed from the seventh to the first day
of the week?
77. How do you prove that public worship is to be celebrated on the
Sabbath?
78. What is the foundation of the duty of prayer, since God is omniscient
and immutable?
79. How do you prove that family prayer is a duty?
80. To whom are the promises of the gospel made, to the regenerate, or
unregenerate?
81. Are no encouragements given to the unregenerate?
82. How do you prove the saints’ perseverance?
83. What is the nature of a Christian church?
84. Who are fit for communion therein?
85. What is the nature and import of baptism?
86. How do you prove infant baptism?
87. What is the nature of the Lord’s supper?
88. What are the rules and end of church discipline?
89. What is the character of a good minister of Christ?
90. In what does the happiness of heaven consist?
—Jonathan Edwards.
Gargoyles
I really have a notion of why I have collected all the nonsensical things there are here. I have not the patience nor perhaps the constructive intelligence to state the connecting link between all these chaotic posts. But it could be stated. This row of shapeless and ungainly monsters which I now set before the reader does not consist of separate idols cut out capriciously in lonely valleys or various islands. These monsters are meant for the gargoyles of a definite cathedral. I have to carve the gargoyles, because I can carve nothing else; I leave to others the angels and the arches and the spires. But I am very sure of the style of the architecture, and of the consecration of the church.
—G.K. Chesterton, Alarms and Discursions.
—G.K. Chesterton, Alarms and Discursions.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)